That didn’t happen.
And if it did, it wasn’t that bad.
And if it was, that’s not a big deal.
And if it is, that’s not my fault.
And if it was, I didn’t mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.
The Narcissist’s Prayer (by Dayna Craig)
We are all surrounded by people who are likely to be identified as self-centered or selfish. We feel unheard or less cared for, inferior, and threatened around them. As if what these people might know and care about are just ‘themselves’. These people are narcissists. And according to Thomas Avant, the author of Damaged People, they are all around us and in every possible sector of life.
In the book, Damaged People, Thomas Avant delves deeper and dissects into the anatomy of Narcissism. Be it a workplace, religion, family, neighborhood or our government, his analysis finds the entrenchment of narcissist behavior pervading American society. His main premise is centered around the framework of whether narcissism has always been there in American society or whether it is a new phenomenon. For analyzing this objective, he cuts across and sheds a comprehensive light upon various facets of narcissism in a stunningly personal yet academic way.
Avant begins with personal accounts of his lived experience with narcissistic people starting from his immediate family and continuing throughout his life. Delving into heavy academic and scientific research, he explains Narcissism or Narcissists as requiring constant praise and attention, approval from others, heightened self-perception or superiority, carelessness about other’s feelings, always envious and insecure of others but underneath all of the above qualities, there are core emotions of insecurity and childhood neglect or over attention. It’s all about them, literally. But for him, it just explains one side of narcissism, the other side is being unhealthily dependent upon other people. Additionally, he acknowledges that narcissism is often intermingled with Sociopath.
Disagreeing strongly against their similar understanding, he substantially argues that narcissism is different from a sociopath, which is a more cunning, hidden and extreme form of a human’s self-centered behavior. But narcissists for him are open and in public and it starts from our immediate family where there are loopholes in child-parent relations either due to excessive praise of the child or due to sheer neglect of the child’s emotions or severe condemnation. In the initial few sections, it might seem that the book is a comprehensive personal, social and academic exercise, but several sectoral themes become not only apparent but also coherent subsequently.
The author manages to explain economic, political and historical explanations of narcissism penetrating and becoming a menace to American society. What it inevitably shows is an intense theme of intersectionality. The book doesn’t rely only upon a psychological or familial understanding of narcissism but goes deeper into racial, economic/welfare-based, and political contexts behind narcissist sustenance throughout periods of American society.
Starting from America’s national sin of slavery to the Baby Boomers generation (those born in World War II who seemed to enjoy most of the welfare benefits and made a generation of persistent narcissists) to the modern political environment of the Trump administration characterized by lies and deceit, racism and claims of superiority seemed to have unavoidably made the roots of narcissism much stronger than ever. This kind of intersectionality analyses behavioral concepts such as Narcissism comprehensively and makes the reader admire the art of explaining complex phenomena with ease.
As a reader, the positive thematic approach of the book is commendable. As much as it is decoding layers of Narcissism, it is also solution-oriented. The emphasis on acceptance of family members, removing ourselves from the trap of narcissistic people immediately and focusing on holding up the truth everywhere in this information age is immensely appreciable.
Furthermore, the entire section on the Trump administration and its major role in strengthening narcissism in American society is enthralling to read. The straightforward critique although at times felt politically motivated and slightly drifted from narcissism most of the time felt necessary and widely relevant to read in parallel with the rising prevalence of narcissistic personality disorder in America. The analysis is reader-friendly because of the author’s orderly writing style.
Thomas Avant is an intellectual and well-researched author, who has mastered the art of blending lived experiences with sound academic research. It helps the reader to understand complex jargon and concepts like narcissist supply, gaslighting, etc. But what makes the personal account compelling and complete is the strong backing of an evidence-based writing style. At times, references to different scholars feel heavy but it also makes the book reliable and valid. While the mixture of personal and academic is appreciable, what makes the book coherent and reasonable is the author’s clarity of thought, not once will the reader find the author carried away. And how can the book even drift from its scope and aims, when the author tries best to repeat and expand on previously explained key concepts?
Although it might not be fiction, the way of writing and presenting ideas makes the book a page-turner that succeeds in explaining Narcissism and its past and present prevalence in American society in an intersectional and organized manner. And honestly expects the reader to understand more of their society. Looking at the positive approach of the book, Dalai Lama’s opinion about narcissism seems to grasp the solution-based approach the book has widely taken,
Foolish, selfish people are always thinking of themselves and the result is always negative. Wise people think of others, helping them as much as they can, and the result is happiness. Love and compassion are beneficial both for you and others. Through your kindness to others, your mind and heart will open to peace.
Discover a profound exploration of narcissism in ‘Damaged People’ by Thomas Avant, and gain unique insights into its impact on American society. Order your copy now on Amazon and delve into this essential examination of a pressing societal issue.
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