“People do not die from suicide,
They die from the sadness”
Suicide – a mere seven letter word that seems harmless has affected lakhs of people worldwide, taken many lives and destroyed numerous households. On an average, about 800,000 people commit suicide worldwide out of which 17% are Indians. These are figures which may not seem alarming to many but when it’s your close one who has been engulfed by the monster called suicide, then one realizes suicide just doesn’t claim a single life, it destroys the entire households to such a state from where coming back is very difficult. Robin Williams, the famous actor, committed suicide during his recovery period. No one could have imagined that Chester Bennington, lead singer of Linkin Park band, hid his woes behind a smile and ultimately succumbed to them committing suicide at a young age. The case of Amy Winehouse is no different.
According to experts, psychiatric illness, substance abuse, difficulties with relationships, significant loss, unbearable pain etc. but one factor that is common in all these is hopelessness. A person turns suicidal when he feels that there is no hope; there is nothing worth living for; everything that happens pushes them to the oblivion of being morose and depressed. It isn’t the same as the normal depression. Life is something that we all cherish, something that we have got after billions and billions of years. Hence if someone is ready to give up that, it’s not a petty issue, it’s a grave situation that requires immediate attention and aid in any form from the close ones.
Suicidal thoughts make the life of the individual a living hell. Just think a person is ready to forsake all the relations, materials and developments that he has earned through his hard work and with time, because of the pain he suffers from; the pain that doesn’t let him see the happiness around him; the pain that doesn’t let him feel the love and care of his family and friends; the pain that pushes him to the oblivion of Thanatos from where there is no coming back.
Every second for a suicidal person is like a hydraulic press trying to pressurize him with hopelessness and dejection that will ultimately lead to his demise. Not just for the suicidal person, every second is equally critical for the family and friends for they don’t know at what moment they might lose a precious part of their lives.
In today’s milieu, mostly everyone is suffering from some sort of depression. But when a depressed person starts talking about suicide, it’s the first warning and alarm to make you aware that his thoughts have started eating him up. Generally, we have a notion that talking about suicide to a depressed person might trigger his suicidal thoughts and urge him to end his life but it’s a myth and our biggest mistake.
If a person starts talking about suicide, we need to sit with him and discuss the issue in detail. Often we don’t realize that even a small talk can have the miraculous effect on the affected. A talk about what triggers him/her to end the life, why does he/she feel so; assuring them that we are with them at every point of life, we are there as support pillars on which they can learn whenever they want. Talk about the effect on their families and friend; how even they are dying every second seeing him/her going through so much. Make him/her cry, let their tears flow again but not of hopelessness this time. Make them shed the tears of the care and love they have within, which got enshrouded by the dark clouds of dejection and loneliness. Hold their hands and ask them what exactly makes them pick up this cursed path; why didn’t they think of parents, siblings or friends; was this darkness of loneliness and morose more powerful than the light of love and care; ask them to open their hearts out and tell them that we’re here to listen and help; we are here to share their loads and we are here to bring back the friend, brother/sister, son/daughter who got lost in the deep dark woods of depression.
We all have a child somewhere within us who doesn’t know the boundaries and limits. That child is our source of hope. The child wants to read, paint, sing, dance, swim, play, cook and do what not. As long as he does all these stuff, he remains happy and radiates hope, happiness and courage. But if the child gets caged by the ogres of melancholy thoughts, our hope dies and so does the happiness. So we need to help that child break away the shackles and sing and dance once again in our hearts. Every person chooses an activity that takes his mind off of the busy, hectic lives to the free and peace multiverse and that activity is the key to deal with suicidal thoughts. Take a canvas and colours to a hidden artist and allow him to paint all the dark thoughts with the shades of joy and happiness. Take the dancing shoes to a dejected dancer and then see how he/she doesn’t stop and destroy the chains that didn’t allow them to move on. Take a guitar to a budding singer and experience how the celestial music that flows from their throat washes away all their sadness. These are some little things that matter a lot but in the state of panic, we tend to overlook these.
Many times we feel that giving them some space and self-time might heal them but sadly we are wrong. Leaving them alone pushes them closer to the edge of the cliff after which there is an infinite oblivion of darkness. Though they themselves do not say anything but all they need is someone who continues to show his love even if they try to rebuke. After a failed relationship, they require their best friends who can console them and tell them that they deserved better; that they were not wrong and life has not ended yet, many people will come and many will but the one for them will stay with them forever once he/she comes to the lives.
A person suffering from immense pain needs someone to console them and say that these are just a few moments that God is testing, though you are going through the pain that has dried your will to live but soon there will be a shower of relief and peace, when even the pain will wither away and joy will once again flow into our lives. A person stuck in the quicksand of substance abuse wants to hear that they are not alone, their families are with them, they are going through a lot but hope and courage will once again bring the bright sunshine in their lives and they’ll lead their old, happy lives once again. The person who has suffered losses in his business wants his family to say that the what’s gone let it be gone, the money is not important than him; that they’re with him to face every situation; that money will come again and the difficult times will bow in front of their integrity and understanding. The person who has been alienated by the society wants to hear that no matter who stands with him but his friends and families are always with him, no muscle power and no discrimination can break the bond that they have shared; that society always treats everyone like this and no matter how different he might be, they are always there for him and nothing can change that.
Somewhere along our journey we have forgotten the magic that we have in us and always rely on psychiatrists who help but with an objective of selfishness. No medicine prescribed by any doctor can heal better than a hug and a few words full of love and care. No treatment is more effective than making them explore themselves i.e. allowing them to find their older selves from their within, remember the joyous moments they had shared with the close ones and recreate those moments again. We just need to come out of our superficial casket and give them time, talk about our feelings, make them feel secure and loved and that is how we will stop the suicides.
Dhruv Sah
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